Selfish Misery

All emotions involved
when I miss everyone I love,
constant flashbacks of loneliness.
Sometimes,
words cannot describe
the pain inside,
recycling phrases through vanished lips.
A tortuous feeling distancing the soul,
every breath vacuous.
Why have I been cursed with such?
Let the night take me away,
surround me with love’s void,
thin as paper;
the wind abstaining a touch of memory.
Selfish be misery
suffering all those I love;
faltering my gift until it falls
into an empty well.
Let the night take me away
towards
a loud darkness
with no stars,
orchestrating sadness
towards love’s void,
thin as paper
yet thick as the
selfishness of misery.
Fill my glass with room temperature wine.
Black lit candles light the way
to a bittersweet end.
Why have I been cursed with such?
Selfish be misery,
forcing me to love through pain.
My piano be the keystrokes
of this painful poem
for my children and lover
who remain without me every night
as tonight.
While you dream I remain awake,
filled with violins of tears.
What tears me apart is
not watching over you while you sleep,
only an imagination,
filled with violins of tears.
You should see my strength,
it is only an illusion of my sorrow.
Had it not been for your love
I would have let the darkness take me away.
Selfish be misery,
watching me slowly die
and taking those who I cherish
with me.
A piano be the keystrokes of my lonesome life,
let the night take me away
with misery as selfish as it may be.

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Lady of the Wind

Beauty

be the lady of the wind

how she cometh and goeth

stroking masculinity frail

tempting a muted soul to wail.

Where be thyself?

Oh! lady of the wind!

Drowned shadows weep under breathless trees

blearing reticent summer memories .

Beautiful lady of the wind

eyes bright changeth somber

over sins fantasized of poetic words

aimless thoughts cold from an obscuring sun.

Hereafter,

life to never be the same

while your heart vacillates

like the tide by the seashore

that you so wildly long for.

How I fell so in love with thee

enraptured by a romantic novel

with words bleeding off torn pages

and every drop fills an empty crippled spirit.

My lady of the wind

beautiful as you may be

I can hear you crying

through this lonely passage drowned in

shadows that weep under breathless trees.

When shalt thou find peace?

Find it in me if all else fails

for my imperfections are a spec

to  pain caused by the undeserving.

My touch hinders your rage

forgetting how we lived before love.

Oh! Beautiful lady of the wind

do not lift your comfort from me

stroke this masculinity frail,

fill my crippled soul with bleeding words

torn from pages of a romantic novel

where endless sunsets recollect our unabridged love

withering the wind until you fall in my arms.

Bottled Love Letter

We fell in love,

Fell,

And fell in love again.

But what this love brings,

Can never be brought again.

This love,

It is a sleepless night,

It is an everlasting touch,

It is a thousand lifetimes,

It is a poem written on crumbled paper.

This love,

Brought us here,

I never knew her,

Yet we met a thousand times.

Each time,

This love,

Drew us closer,

A bottled message,

This love letter,

Release it in the wind,

Let it find us once again,

Remind us of our last lifetime,

We were always,

together,

Every night we felt alone,

together.

We thought the world was cruel,

together.

We never imagined finding each other,

together.

Searching endlessly in fields of tall grass,

Only fate knew our love.

Waiting for someone,

To rescue ill-fated hearts.

Here we stand,

With this love,

I see the future in your eyes.

A bottled love letter,

Release it in the wind,

Let it find us once again,

In every life,

In every dream,

In every kiss,

In every poem,

When the storm comes,

May each raindrop,

Tell our story,

 When the storm comes,

May the howling winds,

Cry out our names,

And if we fail,

Bottle this love letter,

Let it find us once again,

A thousand times,

In every life,

In every dream,

In every kiss,

In every poem,

Let us fall in love,

Fall,

And fall in love again,

A thousand times,

In every life,

In every dream,

In every kiss,

In every poem,

……..

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Finding Home

I eagerly sit by the phone

waiting for your call

knowing you think of me

at this moment

I touch the pillow

where your head lay

reminding myself

of your love

tears

The wine numbs my lips

as to deny my heart

the sound of your name

waiting for your call

how I love you

wishing I was your present and future

the man I could be

fighting off arrows of cupid

my eyes only see you

pain

every ounce of me hurts

When you part

it may be the last time

yet I look for you

fighting off the arrows of cupid

hurry

Desperately needing you

Waiting to feel your kiss again

But the wine numbs my lips

afraid you will let me go

hold me

bring me back to life

erase my mistakes

tame the beast within

searching through fields

filled with heartbroken silhouettes

following the sun

lost souls separated

together finding home

 

Autumn Winds

I am a dying leaf

Slowly finding its way

To the cold grass below

As I fall

I look up

I see you fading away

My strength

The branch that fed me

Held me through storms

On warm days

We laughed as the wind blew

When the rain fell

we held on

vowing to never let go

I can feel the cold grass

I can no longer see you

but I will lay here

wait for you

my love will carry on

as the autumn winds

take me away.

 

The Night Before

Your voice consoles my anxiety

I can only fantasize of your smile

soothing your face as we kiss

the man you need

like the night before.

 

The fragrance of your body

still linger on my sheets

I want to dream in them

hear the whispers of memories

like the night before.

 

Returning home

captured by your embrace

experiencing new adventures

how beautiful it feels

like the other night.

 

I am your Apollo

When it rains on your earth

I become your sun and light

your musician to ease your mind

like the night before.

 

Our time will come

again

fate will find a way

again

I will relive the moments

again

until I find you

again

like the night before.

 

 

 

 

 

You Are The Moonlight

While you sleep

I think of you

Wondering

What your dreams are made of,

If I could catch a glimpse

Of your thoughts

In the stars

Shiny dim lights

Pulsating like hearts,

Searching for the moment

You were in my arms

When the moon rises

Your hair dances

With night’s warm breeze

Touching my war scarred face

Finding peace in me,

Your lips

Searching for mine

I can feel them

Surrendering.

Beyond the soul

Distorted pictures

Years of pain

All that is left

Visions of you and I,

A reality

Fantasized

Carried by an ocean’s wave

From the storm

Rough seas

Gently crashing upon the shore

Filling footprints

That walk along the sands

Guided by your essence,

I will be lost

Without you,

The dark spaces

Hollowed emptiness

Shadows of a broken heart

No longer linger,

Permeated by a presence

I will follow,

Firmly holding on

To our memories,

You are the vanguard

Lead me.

You are the compass

Guide me.

You are the night’s brilliance

You are the moonlight.

Alongside Midnight

In the sleepless nights

I reach out to find you,

knowing you are not there.

My eyes closed,

a daydream begins.

The soul breathes the scent of your air.

I can see you next to me.

The teary of your eyes

blushing with purity.

The strength of my arms

canvasing your brown tone.

I become your wall of security.

The touch of your delicate hand

soothes my hardest complexity.

An instant flash,

through timeless streaks of space,

exceeds any perplexity.

The moment is realized

but my passion for you is delayed.

The immeasurable of my conviction

will keep alive all, never fade.

In the sleepless of nights

I wait,

to touch the warmth of your face.

Forever is not long enough

the passage of eternity,

our love ongoing

never to be replaced.

Last Time I Tried

Last time I tried
to be a husband
I was abused
domestically and verbally
but men don’t get abused
so we act tough
frown about sensitivity
drink the misery cold
sit alone to figure this shit out
because no one will understand
how these eyes perceive
the most precious moments of life
stripped away
from past faults
not done by these hands
but I have to take the blame
because
I am a “man”

Last time I tried
to be a father
my son hugged me tight
told me not to go
as much as I wanted to break down
join my tears with his
but men don’t cry
so we act tough
frown upon sensitivity
drink the misery cold
Make him feel safe
reassure an unsure child
an unsure father
blaming myself
because
I am a “man”

Last time I tried to be a lover
Last time I tried to be a son
Last time I tried to be a friend
I can’t
my blessing
my curse
will not let me try